WHO AM I REALLY?

Rays of light shone upon her eyes, disturbing her peaceful sleep which was the best part of everyday. She tossed noisily on the bed. Curling her legs in and
pushing herself upwards, she picked up her wristwatch and checked the time. "Oh no! 6:15 already? Why must sleep time always be so short?" she said. She sat up and put her feet on the ground, stretched and knelt by her bedside, said a word of prayer, got up and arranged the room. Humming a tune, she picked the broom and swept the room and its environs. Dressed in her old and oversized dress, she picked the bucket to fetch water, strolled towards the door and turned to look at the room. She nodded in satisfaction and shut the door.

The journey to the tap was the same as always (same ugly treatment) with a different set of people, maybe. It was always a challenge to leave the house but once she did, she had to determine to ignore the glances towards her as well as whispers and laughters from people walking either in pairs or in groups. Despite those conditions, "Good morning Ma, Good morning Sir" was her usual anthem. Getting to the tap, she met a queue which she joined by dropping her bucket. As soon as it got to her turn and she wanted to put her bucket, she was startled by "commot that bucket for that place!!! Who you think say you be??? I wan fetch water!!! But.... she muttered. "I go slap you if you talk rubbish! Na me you dey follow talk?" silenced her instantaneously. She had no other option but to step aside while two nasty looking girls went on to fetch. While waiting for their buckets to get filled so  she can fetch, she thought to herself "Why am i always treated this way? Why has fate dealt me this heavy blow? Look at me being treated like a nobody on a daily basis. I'm so fed up."  Mustering strength, she carried her bucket of water and headed back home.

She dropped the bucket of water, ran into her room, lay on the bed and cried into her pillow, conscious of the fact that she was at liberty to do whatsoever she wished to do there, without anyone mocking at her. "Who am I? Why was I born into this hateful world? An orphan at such a tender age, abandoned and left to her fate by wicked relations, who cannot even be left alone by other people in the community? I'm just a nobody, the errand girl, the punching bag. I will accept my fate, after all this is who I am. The earlier I accept it the better", she resolved. "OH MY GOD!" she screamed as she checked the time. It was 8:30 already and she had an appointment to clean Mrs Clay's house by 8:45. Jumping off her bed, she ran outside with her soap dish, towel and bucket of water to take her bath. She dressed up in a hurry and left for Mrs Clay's house. On getting there, it was 9:24 already so she apologised to Mrs Clay who decided to discipline her by reducing her pay. She set off to work immediately.

This had been the routine in Mandy's life for the past 7 years, except Sundays. She was 16 years old and had just completed her secondary education, awaiting admission into the tertiary institution when she lost her parents in an accident. Most of her relatives did not care whether she lived or died, as long as they laid claims on her parent's property and lived large. She was sent out of her father's house and her maternal grandmother who loved her, took her in and catered for her. She couldn't afford money for her education so she stopped going to school and helped her grandmother at home. Mandy's world came crashing down when her grandmother died in her sleep two months after. She had no where to turn to and other relatives accused her of being a bad omen who destroyed every good thing that came her way. Fortunately, none of them was interested in her grandmother's home (which was a large bedroom which she requested that her children build for her because she didn't want to stay alone in a large house) on the outskirts of town. She lived there and started doing menial jobs for different homes to fend for herself.

While scrubbing the floor, Mrs Clay came into the room looking confused and disoriented. She realised that the cause of her mistress' confusion was a serious tear in her dress which looked impossible to amend. "Ma, I think that a piece of material which looks just like that of the dress can be bought and attached to it. It would change the present style of the dress but the new style would still turn out very beautiful", Mandy said. Stunned, Mrs Clay said to her "that is a very great idea but how did you come up with that? 
"I learnt how to sew during my SS2 long vacation", she replied. 
"Then, why aren't you sewing?" Mrs Clay asked looking concerned. Looking down sadly, she exhaled deeply and told Mrs Clay how her parents had promised to buy her a sewing machine once she was through with her secondary school education and how her parents kept reminding her that they had promised and would do as they said, but never did till the accident which took their lives.

Mrs Clay was moved with sympathy towards her and bought a sewing machine for her as an up-front payment for her services for the month, then gave her the dress to fix to see how good her skills were. She was very impressed with the outcome of the dress that she decided to make Mandy her designer. Weeks turned into months and Mandy started drawing up designs of her own which were extraordinary. Mrs Clay introduced her to so many friends of hers who had become her clientele and she became a household name. She made so much money and started a fashion house and employed other people at 28 years old. Her fame spread far and wide and people travelled from distant places to seek her services and she became great.

A clique of beautiful ladies came to her company in need of a design and asked for the CEO. On getting close to the ladies, they began to whisper and sneer like before. "So, someone finally took off your tattered clothes??? Hmmmm!  Cursed thing! I wonder if she's blind to have hired a nobody like you. Call your madam for me!!!, one of the girls hurled at her. "Excuse me!!!", Mandy said and walked away confidently. Getting to her office, she  asked herself "Who am I really?" . She smiled as she thought to herself "I am beautiful, smart, multi talented, hardworking, great, awesome, an asset to the society I live in, the very best there can be. I am not a nobody like I used to think I was... I am not defined by conditions around me, but by who I determine to be".

Do you ever feel that being an orphan or lacking a father or mother figure is an excuse to back out on who you are? Or do you think your educational background is a setback to your manifestation of greatness? Are you defined by your temperament? The difficulties of life exist indeed, but would you give in to their thronging or would you look away from them and think greatness? Ever heard that "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"?

Ponder on this for sometime. Does Mandy's story mean anything to you? She was able to realise that she was so much more than she thought she was, through the help of Mrs Clay. You may not be as lucky as to have a Mrs Clay, but you have to brace yourself and convince yourself that you're more than you see. You might be through a similar case like that of Mandy, shaped by your environment and believing you're a nobody. Who said you were a nobody? I guess it was you. And why did you even believe it? You played a major role in putting yourself down. Now, tables are turned...that has to change. Wait a second! Answer the questions below:

Are you confident, of great value, bold, cheerful, intelligent, unique, hardworking, reliable, an achiever, strong willed, excellent, a genius, exceptional, optimistic, successful, fearless, courageous, assertive, objective, trustworthy, full of love and laughter, a role model?

Or, are you a failure, hiding somewhere, living a life of solitude, fearful, ashamed, depressed, vulnerable, confused, timid, shaky, letting your environment and situations you face define you, dumb, pessimistic, lazy, always procrastinating, full of self pity, indecisive, hiding behind other people, with a low self esteem?

Whatever the case maybe, look within and search carefully. There are qualities you possess which the world needs, just waiting to manifest. You go through life with lots of struggles and fears (not saying there won't be struggles at all, but saying that some of them are unnecessary and can be curbed) because you do not know who you are. The minute you know who you are, you can boldly express yourself and make a meaning in today's world. You'd walk tall and confident at all times because of the conviction you have.

It is said that "I AM" is a very powerful clause because what you put after it shapes your reality. Will you keep walking around distraught when you are so much more than what you feel?  Think about it! It's now or never.

                                                       WHO AM I REALLY?